I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
