what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
