I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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