Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback