Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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