Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
