My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink