you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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