I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
