i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
