i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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