yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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