My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
