Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
