Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
