Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
