SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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