who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
