This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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