He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
