im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
