woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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