theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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