i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
