so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
