i was born a porn star she said
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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