Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
