Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
