found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
