who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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