and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
