You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
