You're so nebulous sometimes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
