U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
