Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
