I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
