"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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