You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
