her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
