I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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