You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i drank out of a bidet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
