i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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