If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
