I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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