I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
