He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
