Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
