My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
