Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize