Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have so many feelings about this burrito
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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