booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
