So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
