i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
