i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
