It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
