Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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