Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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