he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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