Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
