I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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