Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
