Sry I called you an 8
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
