How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
