I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
