The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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