Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
