she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
