sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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