We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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