one two three fourrrrnication!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
