She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
