Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
