As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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