I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
