why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sarcasm needs its own font
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
