Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
