you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
