whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
